Go slows

Traffic jams, or 'go slows' in Nigeria are seriously annoying. This is because, in the majority of cases, they are generally caused by bad driving and selfishness. Most drivers are out for themselves without thinking of the consequences for other motorists. If they want to turn left across the flow of traffic they will do that, if they want to get past a queue of traffic they will drive up onto the pavement, and if they want to stop in the middle of the road to talk to someone they will. 

This week I was driven to Minna and back. In both directions we got stuck in a go slow at a particular spot where oil tankers pull into a depot. On both occasions it took almost an hour to get through - but apparently this was quite reasonable and it can take three hours. 

Picture the scene: the road is fairly narrow, and there is a queue of oil tankers along the side of the road, waiting to get in to the depot. Each side of the road is un-paved, and as it is rainy season the ground is churned up mud/sand, potted with deep holes, or filled with big pools of water.

The narrowness of the road and the size of some of the vehicles means that you would have to drive quite carefully through this area and maybe hold back if you see a big vehicle coming in the opposite direction. But not Nigerian drivers. 

Nigerian drivers will overtake the person who has held back and drive straight up to the big vehicle that is trying to pass, thus creating a stand off between the two vehicles, and a big queue. Nigerian drivers will get impatient and start driving along the 'pavement' or start driving on the other side of the road so that one queue of traffic suddenly becomes three - which then all has to merge again. Nigerian drivers will get impatient and if they feel you should move forwards they will just ram you, so that you suddenly find yourself moving forward despite the fact that your engine is off to conserve fuel.

During all of this queueing, and pushing, there will be a lot of horn blowing, gesticulating and shouting - drivers shouting at drivers, passengers shouting at passengers, and traffic police shouting at everyone. There will be begging 'please oga (boss), please baba (father), let me through, let me pass, let me enter'... some will allow and some will ignore the pleas. Traffic police and other random people (perhaps drivers who have left their own vehicles) will try and mediate, and guide cars through impossibly small spaces - which wouldn't be impossibly small spaces if everyone had just been a little more patient! 

And in the middle of all the queuing there will inevitably be at least one car that isn't 'strong' enough to take all of this idling around, and it will lose it's battery charge, meaning that the driver or passengers or bystanders have to push the car and try to kick start it through the narrow gaps. 

It's pretty hard not to get riled up while people are pushing in front of you, and I must confess I succumbed to yelling, in a rather unladylike manner, at a driver who was trying to cut in front of us. I think he was pretty surprised to find an Oyibo shouting at him with the full force and passion of a Nigerian - I believe I even sucked my teeth. 

Meanwhile, on the side of the road, the oil tanker drivers who are queuing to get in to the depot will calmly go about their daily activities; hand-washing their clothes, shaving, washing, and eating - seemingly oblivious to the arguing, pushing and shoving going on at the side of them!